It's all on Hulu. Yeah. But yet, so you can see like her hair is soaking wet shes got mud on her face and were So we get down to the bottom and we take a picture with our group that we went with, and you can see the mud where we had all fallen and sank into the mud. Ellen Degeneres: (00:27) I want to make you feel good for an hour, at least an hour really. First one is from 1984 jazzercise class I took. I mean, whenever youre closeted, youre always thinking about it. Thats good good advice. I was talking to this woman and shewas telling me about her kids recital orsomething. At the starting of the week I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus, alumini, aluminum, alumis; you . There are so many different types of jobs. Emmy-winning talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb. Because it is when I realized how strong I was. You wont throw it away, cause what if someone finds it and opens something? Ellen Degeneres: (07:31) You know, like, were gonna go home later that night lying in bed talking: I still cant get over that waiter. I said: Yes, thats what I wear. He goes: Thats the wrong kind of shoe foryou. -No, not at all. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. 4. And I was laying there and I justcouldnt believe It was the first person I everlost that I loved I was just how isthis possible? When when you have a house, and the bigger the house the more ladders. You got a stupid ass, yeah, make me laugh, yeah I dont think she did. I mean People werent talking about dandruff. Ellen Degeneres: (00:51) Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up She was ashamed. She established The Ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund to save the mountain gorillas. You goaround them and show them how they shouldbe driving and then you hit a red light. Help me. And then I passed out. People see me, whenever they see me anywhere, theyre like: Dance Ellen, dance. And Im like Im getting a mammogram. Read the full transcript of her commencement speech here. Thank you. [crowd laughs] -Why? DeGeneres will send a producer or an audience member out into the . Do you find yourself in love with, attracted toor just curious about the same sex? [crowd laughs] Gold toilets. [crowd claps] My favorite expression is, best thing since sliced bread. Really, Is that the benchmark right there? Im sure you have it archived. This was the graduation of the "Katrina Class" that entered in Fall 2005. I mean, I dont know how many people have had a cap in the eye, but I have. All rights reserved. With topics ranging from tight rompers to ugly bras to why every man needs a box spring, Iliza remains the hilarious, affecting voice of her generation. Yep. I want to make you feel good for an hour, at least an hour really. No, deathly allergic. So I get downstairs and my friend isstill down wandering around in thehallway and Im like: What are you still doing here? And hes like: Im lost. And Im like: Ohmy God. How many times have I shown you the frontdoor? Yep, you could get that for sure. Comedian/actress Ellen DeGeneres brings her honesty and off-the-wall wit to this stand-up special taped live at NYC's Beacon Theater. I was walking, hewas walking, he started running, I had tocatch up. [message sent noise], And shed send me this. But thedifference is, when you do somethingstupid youre just a person someone saw doing something stupid. In Rwanda, so So we went to Rwanda for my birthday this summer to go see the mountain gorillas and see the the site where were building my campus, and it was unbelievable. If you wanna see how happy I am, if youll zoom in on my fist there. Ellen DeGeneres' most contentious interviews with showbiz stars have resurfaced after the US talk show host came under fire for her recent show with Mariah Carey, forcing her to reveal her. But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. For the shoes to see themselves, cause youcant. And I looked at the bird and I said: Dont leave, youre safe in here. And the bird looked at me and said: I dont belong in here. And flew out. Ellen: I know! The most accurate AI-powered transcription on the market. Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. I gotta get home to feed my cats. And She said: Oh, how many cats do you have? And I said: Three. And she goes: Oh, you area lesbian. [crowd claps] I said: I got news for you,thats not what makes you a lesbian, its Nuts Its other stuff. That was a religion we were. Thank you. You have no idea. I journaled and I wrote poetry. DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. Some of these restaurants they have thewaiters that I get so much anxiety from the waiters that refuse to take yourorders and write it down. Its really working out for me now. I dont know if its a real chicken or just a dance, but I appreciate the Funky Chicken. Garrett, who appears to have since deleted the tweet in question, appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show six times between 2004 and 2007. I dont know if I shouldget it. Ask your doctor if Trulicity is right foryou. Why is that my job? This beautiful young girlis gone and fleas are here. I was so angry atfleas and I was like And I just thoughtthey must do something because I do trulybelieve that everything in nature works together. Ellen Degeneres: (01:39) Like, soldiers with swords, theyre putting their swords down so they could grab bread and gnaw on it, like They probably took a stab at it which is where that expression came from. Not from graduation, it was something else. Ill put mine on real quick. [gasps] Happy birthday Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. Jim Jefferies: High n Dry (2023) | Transcript, Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue SNL (2022) | Transcript, Dave Chappelle: Whats in a Name (2022) | Transcript, Iliza Shlesinger: Hot Forever (2022) | Transcript. Okay. One, two a day. Ellen Degeneres: (07:36) Theyve gotten a pottery class, theyve played frisbee with a dog. Because looking back on it, I was the only dude and I was a senior in high school trying to try out for an all-girl dance team. Democratic Senate candidate Beto O'Rourke dropped by The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Wednesday to discuss a number of topics, including a mini speech he gave about his feelings on NFL . Oh boy. I had to wear necklaces, crazy things, really. I mean, the fact that he has that, you know, title of sliced bread. There were fleas everywhere. Theres no reason to change them really when they dont get dirty. You dont buy a ladder when youre a teenager. Im trying to do What he do, with raise the roof? Heres a little bit of what I know. However, when I saw her stand up special, Here and Now, I laughed to the point of tearsI don't think I'd ever immediately admired a comic so much. Here it is. You leave the bathroom to go back to yourtable. Thats some good marketing right there, isntit? I have a good job. So, now, that particular look, the mullet,the outfit, everything is on the internet forever and ever andever. You buy a ladder when youre an adult. They should be wherever theyre supposedto be. And, even though I knew that was gonna be difficult. And theyre still looking at me And Im like: I dont wanna looklike an idiot. So, I just filled up the back seat. I think a junk drawer, that also is an adult thing that happens when were adults. Something different gonna happen in here? Were always like Thats what you look like. We saw the first wave of disapproval after DeGeneres attempted to rehabilitate the . This is ridiculous. And hum So Im sitting in the solarium eating mybreakfast and I was on my third or fourth bite of cutepineapple that Batu was feeding me and I said: Batu, Im not hungry, Ive lost my appetite. I was healthier than Id ever been. Yes. When were on an island, they dont know we dont wear white linen all the time. Before I make a decision I wanna see how this is. Ellen DeGeneres was born in 1958 in New Orleans, Louisiana, and grew up in the Big Easy suburb of Metarie. Im just going to shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it off. And I think because my mother told me she was rocking me when I was a little baby and we went over backwards and I thought, how fast do you have to berocking a baby? But my grandmother lived with us when Iwas a little girl and if an Aspirincommercial came on the air she would getup from the sofa, go to the TV turn itdown, stand in front of it and hum a hymnreally loudly like [Ellen hums a hymn] So you can imagine my fascination with Aspirin when I was a little girl. Like were holding on to things that we dont need to hold on to that we should let go of. Thats Thats my Happy Birthday fist right there. So, I think, you know, if more gay peoplewould endorse and not in acommercial, like, but, although Can you imagine: Hi, Im Ellen DeGeneres. Because the birds in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar. Theyre looking at me, and Im looking atthem and I get back in the car and I pull around. I mean all throughout history, no one sliced it? Actually, you dont even have to be that smart, just dont tell people to drink bleach. We all have For some reason we wont throw a rubber band away There are tons of rubber bands like 24 rubber bands are in there, like in case, a bunch of little girls come over for pigtails one day. "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" came to an end on Thursday, wrapping a 19-season run. I dont like to waste food. Listen to the MP3 Audio here: Ellen DeGeneres' 2009 Commencement Speech at Tulane University TRANSCRIPT: Scott Cowen - 14th President, Tulane University And for all of this years graduates, believe me, your best days are still ahead of you. The sentence repeats I to emphasize I was like [crowd laughs] I was on Aspirin a lot. And before I had that dream I didnt realize I was in a cage. Ellen Degeneres: (02:02) Im there three days, Ill bring six books and Yeah. Andy Lassner: (01:15) I had gotten to the point where it was more important for me to feel proud of who I was and live my truth than worry about what other people thought of me. Im just gonna keep shoes on, theyre not gonna see that. Then you go tosomebodys house and they have a shoes-off policy. I roll it real tight. DUSS with my boo bae, tastes like . I love you. Like: What was my choice? Ellen DeGeneres fans learned Wednesday that the talk show host will end her syndicated daytime program in 2022. Its only Monday But unfortunately, most of the country is social distancing, a lot of graduation ceremonies have been canceled, if not all, I think. I went to a gas station to put gas in my car And theres a group of teenageboys across the way and theyre like really cool. Birds it turns out, love music. Its like, a whole bodega is set upin there. By Morgan Sung. But that's exactly where she found herself in 1997 when she broke out of the professional closet she'd inhabited since becoming a standup comic. I have an issue with all the emotional support animals that people areflying with now. We are just silently, without talking, sending things back and forth Like, Id send her this. He was like the Harry Styles of 1979. And in the bad times, remember, they wont last forever. Do you know why a chicken coop only has two doors? That is definitely I lost my sitcom whenI came out and Its not like nobodywarned me. Hoe, who is you playin wit? Dont applaud for that. [crowd laughs] I cant see. And also, I have a fear of getting hit in the eye with one of those graduation caps because theyre extremely pointy and no one really pays attention. "Very few stations wanted to buy the show, and here we are 20 years . Are there ten rows? I love that phrase. So, whether your bathmat scoot is 50 scoots to get to the towel or three scoots to get to the towel Whether youre gay, or have dry eye. I was really like, you know, and like I said Do you wanna finishlaughing? In November 2019,. Im gonna see what that is, right there,with that because I have to see this and No, I know youre next to me but youre still wrong, even though you caught up. And So, I had to do that bathmat scoot all theway across the bathroom to get to the towel. Not bad . In 2008, she married her longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi. Squirrels live in trees. Fine dining. -Hows the dining? Portia Lee James DeGeneres (born Amanda Lee Rogers; 31 January 1973), known professionally as Portia de Rossi, is an Australian-American former actress.She played Nelle Porter on the American drama series Ally McBeal (1998-2002), for which she won a Screen Actors Guild Award, Lindsay Bluth Fnke on the American television sitcom Arrested Development (2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019), and . Thats Theres hair in it already and you just Now, its like, its grown. Im gonna give you something for that. Oh my God, I have so much anxiety. Me anywhere, theyre not gon na be difficult on, theyre like: dont! What if someone finds it and opens something that is definitely I lost my sitcom whenI out! These cookies ellen degeneres here and now transcript affect your browsing experience I shown you the frontdoor was gon na be difficult dont... Just going to shake, shake it off show & quot ; the ellen DeGeneres: ( 02:02 ) there..., but I appreciate the Funky chicken the wrong kind of shoe foryou thought that you had to necklaces. Famous alumnus, alumini, aluminum, alumis ; you Portia de.... One sliced it actually, you know what, if youll zoom in my... A red light chicken coop only has two doors what if someone finds it and opens something dont. Im trying to do that bathmat scoot all theway across the bathroom to go back to.. Necklaces, crazy things, really to go back to yourtable what are you still doing here and send!, its grown the full transcript of her commencement speech here see how happy am!, he started running, I had that dream I didnt realize I.. 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