aita for uninviting my stepdad

You rubbing his nose in how awful they are was unnecessarily cruel. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. If someone did that to my mum I would probably wouldnt mind going to jail for a couple weeks over what I would do to them . Contact a lawyer and CPS. Also, I really really hope you are talking to a therapist. They didn't and continued to act in a toxic manner, which gives you every right to exclude them. Its not their fault and your Dad is trying to repair them. NTA. I'm not surprised she moved out. Who you decide to have in your kids lives cannot be debated by anyone else except you and your partner (or kids father). Probably in his senior year and Mom fully expected that he'd be moved out by now. Your mother is using you as a sacrificial lamb and is probably now upset that your stepsister's bad behavior (and their bad parenting) has been made public. I'm willing to bet the answer is noting. So already, OP is at a disadvantage because it's already their home. Period. Its just turns it into a shitty living room, where EVERYONE is now uncomfortable. The stepsister is 18! NTA thank fucking god you have family on your side poor thing. You sound like a wonderful kid. You aren't being respected by anyone in that house. Im just so very sorry. But not everyone has access or resources for a 4 bed/4 bath home. Those little things mean the most of all in this world. You're right, fora are social media. I never even knew my sister had a different dad until I was like 15 and I found her baby bracelet from the hospital in my moms jewelry box. Especially if ONE GETS TO LOCK THE OTHER OUT OF A SHARED SPACE I CANT GET OVER THAT PART. As someone who grew up sharing a bedroom with her sister in a 4-person house with only one bathroom We survived. Please take note of what most people are saying here and do not go back to that house. Your stepsister is awful. NTA. I'd have gotten a restraining order put on them. Your mother did you a horrendous disservice by letting this abuse go on as long as it did. Sorry for your loss. They chose to push you out of their lives. I just learned how to deal with him and not take a victim's mindset and whine about my situation. Seriously theres obviously some other shit going on if an 18 and 20 year old are breaking each others shit. to live with the family but not really that common traditionally in the US. Thats the main reason for keeping them away. Their closet alone was bigger than 2 of our rooms combined(their bathroom was HUGE). He needs to accept that you and them will never have a sibling relationship. Younger kids do typically share a room with the parents for the first year or with each other when older but when they get to be teens it's ideal for them to have their own space - either a separate room or like you did with using a curtain or a part of the living room etc. And there's not a single doubt? Your brothers are 30, they need to grow up. Teens can share rooms. They should be! The anonymous woman, known only as u/Throwawayfamily976, posted about her situation to Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received more than 17,800 upvotes and 4,440 comments from concerned users. 4 sisters in their room. That isn't healthy nor a good way to parent. Yeah I hope he stays at the Uncle's. There's of issues in that house that need to be laid out and discussed. Not 2 teens sharing a bedroom.. An ADULT and a teen (ss is 18), it is realy upsetting.. the years of a person's age from 13 to 19. He is in no way the problem here. I'm sorry about your father. NTA.You're not wrong in that his kids are messed up, but that's because their mother poisoned them against you and your mother, and while they are adults, sometimes the way you are manipulated and twisted into thinking as a child isn't an easy thing to break, even with therapy. All the best. Something was wrong because these two moved into this house. Now they need to allow you to do whats best for you and stay with people who care about you until youre ready to return on your own terms. She didn't protect you from your step dads insecurities when most of your dads things were thrown out. I think it may have been because hes the oldest. However, I am assuming from the fact that you still speak with him and refer to him as "dad" and not specifically step-dad or even his first name, that you at least have a decent (if not good) relationship with him. Girl, you did the right thing and I'm so proud of you, Nta. You deserve better and I hope you become happier. Your family is mad because they see the truth. You have done nothing wrong. Making the living room have a bed doesnt really turn it into a bedroom. I 've always considered reddit to be a "forum" but not really a "social media" website, hmm. NTA. It would appear that you've had more than your fill of these vile and vicious trolls. Your mom is not guilty of directly abusing you. They alienated you. You spoke to the truth. Apply for emancipation or petition the courts to have your Uncle declared your legal guardian. At best shes enabling the others, but enabling isnt ok either. Yea your mom is a fucking asshole for making you live in this hostile environment. The fact youre not able to keep many reminders of your dad speaks volumes. And it wasn't even his wife holding onto possessions he was insecure about but the daughter. It's on them to be better humans. I know you very explictly told my mom how you'd like her to be killed, would you like to hold my baby? Have they grown up, have remorse about their actions? If you cant afford another room, you cant afford another kid. You NTA for removing yourself from a harmful situation (as long as you have a safer place to go), but you will be one to yourself if you allow this to ruin your relationship with you mom without at least trying to fix it. Yeah. Move out ASAP. It happens. NTA. It's sad to say that mom moved on relatively fast. Thank goodness you have your uncle to help. Plus your stepsister is a spoiled, entitled brat and your stepbrother is a snitch. Everyone else in your household is. So this. If you can stay with your uncle, I would. She and her brother are both chodes. Also your step brother and sister are very immature, children fight one another and destroy each others belongings but they are adults and should have the self discipline to settle their arguments, so therefor they are also assholes. No take-backsies now. I cheered on reading that OP had moved to her uncles place; only thing her mother should be surprised at is that it wasnt sooner. NTA. In a place with unlimited bathroom stalls, sure. I hope yourliving arrangements with your uncle brings you the peace you deserve. If stepsister destroyed a gaming console, stepsister is big problem. I can't believe your step sister gets away with trying to lock you out of your shared room. Anyways, sorry, I know you probably meant well and I'm not trying to be an AH myself or anything. Absolutely absurd behaviour, and almost certainly sexist in nature. Agreed, it seems that the majority of people expect that the moment the clock strikes midnight into your 18th birthday you are automatically endowed with common sense and adulthood. If I were you, I would stay away. I f25 along with my two brothers Dean & Kevin (both 30s) went through rough time during our parents divorce, mom got married to my stepdad and we lived with him for years. Stay with your Uncle for as long as you can, and refuse to go back to your Mom's until you have a sit down with your Mom, Stepdad, family and a therapist. Any home where kids need to lock their doors is not a healthy place. I wish you the best. There are no other rooms, unless we convert a closet into a bedroom, and since the closets arent big enough to hold even a crib, much less a bed, that doesnt seem so great. Especially since she moved on too fast and didn't even consider how her child would feel with such a big change. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. Also biggest room always went to the siblings sharing a room. It was her job to watch out for you and she failed. My mom died when I was 11 and my stepmom did the same - taking down everything on the wall that was a reminder of my mom. You were right to leave. That's just one more thing to add to how she's being mistreated or forgotten about. I wasn't able to keep much of his belongings because of my stepdad's insecurities and lack of sympathy and respect for me and my dad. I agree, this is when OP's mother should have stepped in, if not sooner. It was that the main bathroom will get used a lot more just for space. She didn't protect you when you got locked out of the room so sister could paint - and the fact you two have to share a small bedroom cause your step brother is a "man" - and it also sounds like your step sister has some serious problems since every time she gets in a fight with someone she has to ruin something important to them. Both of you holding grudges when you know you both were not wrong. Your mother failed you. In the post, she said she told her family to stop but her dad replied that it was "typical stuff men challenge each other with" and that she was "ruining the fun. Your dad's parents who you don't really see are mad at you? Keep them away so they dont even have a chance to hurt your baby. Are they even remotely nice to you? Sorry. thats cruel. The whole situation is gross. Still cannot believe the SD wouldn't allow your father's things there. NTA: depending on where you live, you have strong grounds to become legally emancipated. Better to deal with an unhappy dad and his relatives than actually expose your child to that risk. Also, in general, I dont know what the culture is like there, but where I come from 20 is plenty old to be getting your own place to live. If you can stay with uncle. Notice that the stepdad punished his adult daughter and offered to further punish her if it would get things back to normal, but didnt punish his adult son for his role because hes the man.. They are toxic. Being a kid doesn't mean you can't have basic common sense, and I wasn't blaming or being rude I was simply stating a fact.bas a kid I would have had more sense than tha and my siblings at that age had more sense than that, all I was doing was pointing that out. The original was not to be messed with. She did nothing over and over again, letting her stepchildren beat you into the ground, and now her doing nothing has come back to roost. They may try to force a meeting. You describe your stepdad as a nice man. Moving out was a good choice, dont look back, stay with family who actually care. Personally, I would tell your step-father that a relationship with them will only happen if they apologize for the way they treated you AND they personally initiate a meeting. NTA. These twisted people wishing death on your mom would not hesitate to harm a newborn child. Sadly at 16, you're more emotionally mature than all of them at that house. had an "act of God" take care of punishing the CHILD villain in order to comply with the Hays code by blowing her to smithereens! They all sound toxic. The bride said they've forced Tim to play chess four times in a row and even went as far as to secretly slash his tires to see if he would try to fix them himself or be a "lazy" guy and call for help. you could all benefit from a family therapy effort, but until then it is reasonable for you to want distance, just as it is reasonable for your mom to feel hurt by this. The leaving. Hes an adult. If we wanted to hang it always had to be in someone's private space. Technically, I think Reddit is considered social media, but I get what you mean. [edited immediately after posting to add judgment of NTA]. NTA. So they treated you and your mother like shit, and your SD now wants you to have a relationship with them. Stepfather is an ass for raising assholes. She birthed you, but has no maternal attachment to you. Stay strong. Even before your gift was destroyed, she was enabling the abuse by letting you be locked out of your room by step sis. What an effed up family. NTA! ", "Last week, They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler, he left them and returned in 7hrs and told me," she wrote. NTA! All of this sucks so much. And make sure any Social Security or similar payments follow you. My dad's parents (I would call them my grandparents but I don't think they ever really considered me part of the family and so eh) think I'm TA because it upset him that I would speak that way about his kids. Thanks for letting me know. So yeah Mama Avalon has a real point even though its not realistic for every family to have enough bedrooms to accommodate each teen living there. Im so sorry youre going through this, OP. Hell, my moms family was lower income, but not poor and she slept in a double bed with two of her sisters. This reads like she's afraid to do so. Nta. Tormenting you and your mother wasn't enough? OP moving out will put a big dent in their family income if they don't scam her out of that money, OP's uncle needs to get those benefits put into an account for OP rather than used on her stepfamily. If you are on summer break, this may be a great time for a trial run. I'm 15 and share a room(biggest room in the house by far) with BOTH of my brothers(17 and 20(20 yr old is in college and will move out soon)), all we do in it is have our cloth(+other random personal belongings) and sleep lmao, idk why everyone would need their own room. No, not happening. You are better off with your uncle. I can't believe that your mom just allowed her husband and his kids to push you around like this, so badly that you felt like you couldn't live there anymore. Its true! NTA. AITA For Telling My Stepdad I Dont Want His Last Name. I know your dad has some thin hope things will work out, but it doesn't seem like they will. He tried similar things when he had me for visitation as a toddler that, among other things he did, led to me needing therapy since age 3. Your mom also did nothing to set boundaries or punishments for others damaging your property. I am so sorry that your life has been made so difficult in the wake of tremendous loss. And my father and uncle shared a room growing up while my aunts on that side shared a room. And don't forget stepdad being a big ass childish insecure baby not allowing OP to have memorabilia from her late dad because step dad's ego might get hurt by a person who isn't even freaking alive. Nta he can have a relationship with them it doesn't mean you have to. It's insane that these young adults are acting like this. The bride-to-be discussed the issue with her fiance and came to the conclusion that she had no choice but to "politely uninvite" her stepdad. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Thats vile. So much needs to change before you go back. NTA, those kids don.t deserve to be uncles/aunts. Oops sorry, won't make that mistake again ! OP I hope youre able to have the loving and respectful environment you deserve from now on. Locking you out if your room? NTA - There is clear favouritism going on here. He understands and justs wants you to be there, that is the best gift. NTA-why would you want them around your childrentell your dad to drop it or you will go NC with himwhat choice do you have. Don't ever live with those brats and dad again, now that things ae out in the open, they will finds ways to make your life miserable if you go back. they were both in their 30s when they sent that link. He fought in court for them and he did get them therapy after their mom died. Let them live their lives and hope for everyone's sakes that they learn and grow out of the terrible things they were lead to believe. And what I meant is that it's not true that votes are counted in order to determine the final judgement, see here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_final_judgement. Her mother needs to sort out her husband and step kids , while the step kids are adults they're acting like misbehaving toddlers throwing tantrums. Military barracks? You should get the F out. I'm sorry. Since OP didn't say much about OP's stepbrother getting punished in any way, it almost sounds like there's also a golden son trumps scapegoat bio-sister dynamic going on, in addition to the "whose d**k I screw his children I please" pattern that puts both steps over mom's bio daughter when it pleases stepdad. Also, keep them the duck away from your baby. NTA. OPs step sister has done it twice now, shows not one damn to give about it. Also ask them to tell you stories about your dad and record them to help keep those memories going. Never let them near you. Nta I'm glad to hear that your uncle had your back. You deserve better! I sometimes did homework or read books in there because it was the only place I could get some peace and quiet. NTA. Your priority is to protect your own kid. Did I say they shouldn't be expected? No. This is probably not the reaction from this situation only but the whole living arrangements, grief from your dads passing and frustration from seeing the lack of respect and consideration for your grief and the amazing person your dad was! I would also ask her to go to family counseling, just you and her. Tell her she's dead for you for putting you last ever since he died, and go NC if possible. There's a pretty good chance it was her room alone before her dad got married and brought OP into her life. She recently accused me of stealing her tools and convinced her dad to get a lock so now I'm being forcefully locked out and can't get in til after a huge argument and getting mom involved. I hope OP sees this! However, the bride-to-be lived with her mum and her husband and during that time they established a good relationship. That's the ironic part, the ending is basically "don't be an asshole to your nice step mom who did nothing wrong or it'll backfire horrendously", AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! AITA? Then I got moved up to the largest room (besides the master) when I was 10. You should have moved out as soon as they said you would be locked out of your room several hours a day. The parents are letting her keep op locked out of her own room they dont deserve any respect. You did the right thing. NTA your stepsiblings being 18 and 20 sure act like kids. Even with the bare base though, hard NTA. Nuh uh. That's some next level insecurity. You deserve a family that cares about you all the time, that shows you respect, that listens, and that treats you like you belong. Terrible parenting on your moms part. As if everyone was waiting for her character to get punished. Your life will have less conflict. NTA She ruined a gift for your late father. Don't answer her calls, texts, nothing. You can't be serious. I'm so sorry about your father. He hasnt said anything to you because he recognizes that youre right and it hurts him. Good luck! No. NTA. NTA, your fathers belongings were taken from you, locked out of your room and your parents shows clear favoritism towards your step siblings. NTA - Please get a restraining order, not just for you but also your mother. Stepdad offered to fix it and punish my stepdaughter harder but I packed my things to go with my uncle. Don't feel guilty for reaching it and always take care of yourself. That's A very interesting choice. Guess whose job it is to address this? Your intent matters and your work is not in vain. NTA dear God I just read the synopsis of the lodge. Author admin Posted on May 27, 2022 May 27, 2022 Categories Uncategorized Post navigation. Nta, you have been failed multiple times. They should have gotten the larger room IMO, The brother in his own space. I read in a different comment that the sister is 18? It only counts in the first-level comments though. I think your mom en step-dad failed in parenting there. Family is NOT an excuse to treat you like this. From disregarding your daughters grieving process in regards to her father's death, allowing her to be raised in an unhealthy gender roll dominated environment (two kids splitting a smaller room then a single child because he pees standing up?) That didn't happen, and now we're seeing exactly how spoiled these kids are. How the fuck "did she nothing to deserve to be shunned by you" if she already failed at the most basic task of giving you a room to live in? NTA. In fact, your mom is the biggest AH. I have always shared a room with my sister, and shes 26 now and Im 22. She has been ignoring the signs and now has to live with the consequences. Lol I would make the closet a bedroom nook for a bedroom sharing sibling I guess, Haha. As someone who lost their mom at a young age and dad also moved on waaay too quickly; I understand your pain. That doesnt make it an attack. Can your Uncle find you a counselor or someone to talk to? And why wasnt she majorly punished for ruining the console?? He has been good to you, and I'm not surprised your mum is raging. For leaving. I asked if he got permission he said yes so I gave it to him and went back to study. Youngest child being bullied by 18/20 yr old sibling asshats that are still breaking eachothers toys into adulthood. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. The siblings are perpetuating it especially the stepbrother that threw op under the bus after lying to her to get back to his sister . And there is nothing wrong with that. But yeah, he was definitely out of line to try and "patch things up" using OP's child. She did not raise them but one did try to drown my sister and bash her head into a boat propeller when we were little. Not only do you deserve being shunned, a family member should rent a billboard detailing what you have done so your entire community knows. And any amount of common sense would stop me from giving him any access to my sisters things. That's a poor enough judgment call showing cruel enough tendencies that they shouldn't be around a child. NTA. She made her choice. She's just as much of a Problem for marrying an insecure f who didn't let you keep stuff from your dad. The kids were not brainwashed into hating their father, but I know she tried. Step sis knowingly damaged her brother's properly, and punished you because he lied to get you to help him destroy something of hers. Such a non apology. I think the difference in size is enough to matter which is why she mentioned it - she may feel that if they had a bigger space to share that it would help eliminate some of their problems. Why did the mom allow a lock on the bedroom anyways. Read this before contacting the mod team. Your mother failed you. She's upset and weeping, not because she's losing her only child, but because she's ruined her public image. And his. They dont like you, have never been kind to you and they have demonstrated no interest in a positive relationship. The abuse they've given you and your mom for years however is uncalled for and its not surprising that she's given up and you want nothing to do with them. Stay with your uncle, he has your back while your mom has made her choice and unfortunately it's not you. I'm sure he and your dad's family have more then enough memorabilia and stories to share on this special day. My college had double and triple rooms and single bathrooms shared between 4-5 people. You are her child. I think they meant the stuff that mom allowed to happen to OP. NTA and block them on every form of contact as possible. I shared growing up, we had one bathroom, it was fucking fine. Thousands of users quickly flocked to the comments section of the bride's post to provide their support and call out her family for bullying Tim. They are freaking adults abusing a child. I don't think it says where op is, so the parents may not be able to just call the police and say she's a runaway since op is 16. NTA. Being pregnant with your first child, you are in a vulnerable state that will continue through the first year of your childs life as you adjust to so many different & often difficult changes. ), It happens - and it can be the original partner's doing, not necessarily the "step". I am so happy you got out of the situation. The extended family said it would make more sense to reduce the space of mine and add it to the guest room so there was more comfort for them when they visit. Many families cant afford for everyone to have their own room and forcing partners to move to the living room isnt a solve either. Agreed, NTA. My sibling and I were not allowed to have anything to do with our mum around. You've escaped from a toxic situation and you should stay away as long as you can. Your mom said she did nothing to deserve being shunned but I think allowing her new husband to get rid of your dad's belongings without considering how much you would like to keep them as a keepsake IS doing something to deserve shunning. Still, the emotional scars are so deep sister hasnt ever gone to therapy (too insecure, too defensive, too tough for all that) and the whole thing has ruined her life. NTA - It's tragic, they are definately victims of their mother's upbringing, and it's really heartbreaking for your dad but that's not on you to solve. Ngl he did what he could to help me out with school and everything, he even offered to fund my wedding which is going to be in 5 weeks time and I'm very grateful for that though this was his decision. The fact that 3 important items - your fathers day letter, stepsister's art set, and brother console - were destroyed in this one situation alone really emphasizes how disfunctional your step-siblings are, and by extension, a failure of parenting. NTA. But you said it beautifully. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Your stepsister and stepbrother are ADULTS using a child as a scapegoat. Losing her only child, but because she 's afraid to do so it him... Spoiled these kids are things there through this, OP kids were not wrong website, hmm by you. 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